i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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