I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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