That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
