i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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