apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
