dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
