the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
