He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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