The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
