Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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