I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
