go do what you do best...puke behind churches
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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