I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They have beer where we have blood.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
