If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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