why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize