So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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