Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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