I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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