Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
