He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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