if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
