atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
