so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
