Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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