would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
