She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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