Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
