sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
