Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
