you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
