Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
