Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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