Swine flu is the new snow day.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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