i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I love having hate sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
