I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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