it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
