So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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