from now on my penis is your penis
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
