i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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