I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
