tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's blow job season.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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