just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
