Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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