So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
