He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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