i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You're a waste of cheezeits
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
