I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
