Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
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I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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