2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize