Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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