did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
