Swine flu is the new snow day.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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