my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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