im six kinds of drunk right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
