I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
