a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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