I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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