I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
