some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
