Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
