I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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