Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
