do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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