my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
