i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
