It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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