after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
