I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
