If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
