I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
