You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
